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The other night my mother was returning from a trip to Calgary and was arriving at the airport here in McMurray at approximately 6:30pm.

Aside: I would never refer to my mother as “mother” when I speak. Not even “Mom.” She is either Mum or Muggins. She gained the nickname Muggins in my childhood from repeated attempts at teaching me and my brother how to tidy up after ourselves. Nary a day would go by without the catchphrase “Who ends up doing it?!? MUGGINS HERE!” being yelled in our direction. Needless to say it stuck. End aside.

Anyway, back to last Tuesday when Muggins needed a ride from the airport. Obviously, this is not a big deal. Above all else the woman gave birth to me but further to the point an airport run is really not a big deal so I said I would pick Mum up at the assigned time and thought nothing further of it.

Until Tuesday morning when I received the first of SIX text messages letting me know that if I was busy she could always get a cab. Two things:
1. My mother HATES taking cabs. She literally goes on and on about her dislike for cabs whenever she gets one and has even more bile for them here in McMurray than ever before.
2. Further to point 1 her offer to “take a cab” sounded not unlike the classic mom ploy of playing the martyr.

My friend Ryan once told me a joke that went as follows:
How many mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Old lady voice: “It’s okay, I’ll just sit in the dark…”

This joke captures the exact tone I was imagining while reading Muggins’ first text. It only got worse 5 messages in when I literally had no choice but to turn it around on her with “if you don’t want to see me that’s fine.”

Thankfully flipping the tables worked a charm and we had a delightful drive from the airport. One wonders why exchanges like this have to be so difficult. I suppose it’s a small price to pay with such an otherwise wonderful mother but a price is indeed paid. With my sanity.

As a totally random sidenote the above picture is my Mum doing her “Beyonce pose.” Obviously one of the myriad reasons she is amazing.