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I was out a party awhile ago and on the dancefloor there was some truly horrendous dancing going on. Like properly disastrous flailing masquerading as some sort of crumping. Feeling quite clever I noted “that dancefloor is full of guilty feet.”


That was sound of my light moment lead ballooning. No one got it. No one at my whole table had even heard Careless Whisper. What. The. Fuck. Clearly I was in the wrong company. Not a gay in sight, or even someone gay in every sense of the word without the amorous feelings for someone of the same sex (Ahem – Jo-Ann “used to be a dancer” – Ahem – Trevor “I love Denise Welch from when she was on Dancing On Ice” – Ahem). I was truly out of my comedic element and it really threw me. At first I was worried it was just a bad joke.

Then I realized I just needed to go to parties with better friends.*

*This conclusion is for comedic effect. I would like to say unequivocally that said friends are awesome despite their lack of WHAM! knowledge.