Today I bring to you, readers, some in-depth (three paragraphs) analysis of a worrying trend in the world of food and drink. Whether you have noticed it or not a largely silent revolution has occurred in the already mirky world of muffins. What kind of change could signal such alarm you ask?
The world’s muffins, long contained in a simple paper wrapper have – as if overnight – been transplanted into ornate serving papiers known is tulips. While this may seem like a simple change, the widespread availability of these new containers and the swiftness of the muffin transformation leads me to believe that something far more sinister is at work.
Are the world’s muffins now being produced by one large muffin super-producer (ie. OmniMuffin)? Further, is Omnimuffin in fact just a supercomputer with means of muffin production? Will Omnimuffin one day become self-aware – like SkyNet or similar – and attempt world domination via its widespread muffin distribution channels? And – just to lead this train of thought to its logical conclusion – will Omnimuffin one day enslave the human race as a means of producing power for making tulip-encased muffins?
In case it wasn’t already painfully obvious, The X Factor is back in the UK and I find myself already obsessed. I love its over-the-top-ness and clear sense of its own ridiculousness. IT IS AMAZING. The most amazing part of it this year – which you may have already guessed from the picture above – is Cher Lloyd.
Cher Lloyd may be the greatest single act to have ever appeared on The X Factor and I am currently completely enamoured of her. Here she is singing “Just Be Good To Me.”
What’s particularly amazing about Cher Lloyd is that she has the kind of natural charisma and stage presence that even some veteran popstars – Ahem, Katy Perry – would kill for. It will be a significant pop injustice if Cher Lloyd does not win The X Factor and subsequently become a huge global megastar.
I also rather like Tesco Mary:
Tesco Mary is the shit.
Here is the new Joe McElderry video “Ambitions.” It has a fist pumping move that I may have already mimicked in my bedroom while listening to it. It features recently “out” gay man Joe McElderry gaying it up all over a film studio – with backup dancers at the ready – as us bummers are wont to do. It is a cover of an only slightly old Donkeyboy song which can be heard here. It is probably at least 30% better than the original and will probably be listened to by at least 4000% more people as a result of being covered by Geordie Joe.
None of that matters though.
CHER LLOYD HAS ARRIVED.
As is custom in the grand X Factor tradition (well since Leona at least), the winner of the previous year releases their debut album just as the current season kicks into high gear; the idea being that they can capitalise on the show to generate album sales. The problem with this system is that the whole thing does start to feel a little bit like an assembly line. Also – and this implies that you get totally sucked in, as I have already become – older winners become overshadowed by the fresh crop of wide-eyed hopefuls ready to sell their souls for a chance at pop superstardom.
Enter Cher Lloyd.
Well-played Cher Lloyd, well-played. Girl turned her swag ON.
PS – the Olly Murs video/single is also very enjoyable but the video has one of those annoying region codings on Youtube so I can’t properly attach it. Click here for a very low quality video copy of what is a rather pleasant summertime tune.
My friend Jo-Ann and I are off to Seattle to see Robyn in November and I could not be more excited. Robyn is on my list. She’s at the top of my list, actually. There is literally not another performer at this point in my life that I would be more excited about seeing live.
Since releasing her eponymous – sidenote: I love that word – comeback album Robyn hasn’t made a single wrong move. She is the consummate popstar and I love her for it. In fact, if you can watch the above video and not love her, I think there may be something wrong with you.
Robyn is the rarest of popstars that just gets it. She is in complete control of her career and nary puts a step out of place. Everything that came out of the “Robyn” era was absolute perfection and the latest Body Talk series of albums – of which we’re on number 2 – sound like an artist tapping into a creative vein so deep that we could happily be listening to part 47 by early next year.
She has even managed to gracefully maneuvre the difficult passage from the “comeback” phase of her career to full on pop extravagance without losing that crackling creativity or becoming wrapped up in her own hubris.
She is perfection.
A gift sent to us from the pop Gods (Benny, Bjorn, Agnetha, and Frida).
A popstar for the ages.
Robyn is the shit.
PS – I totally need one of those Konichiwa Records hoodies she’s rockin in the Hang With Me video. They had best be selling them at the concert. Also, attached below is Robyn on David Letterman singing Dancing On My Own.