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so i was talking to my friend salloum at work today about my celebrity news and we were postulating how our day would be reported in celebrity news fashion.

1. salloum on her sexuality: ‘i feel like this is just a little blimp”
there is just so much to work with here. jessica is going on a blind date with a man tomorrow which i already find endlessly amusing. furthermore, i had to clarify to her that the words blip and blimp are not the same. AMAZING.

2. jennie, jackie headed for ‘awkward’ showdown
so jennie no longer works at starbucks but still wants to come to the christmas party (when it eventually happens) which actually seems really nice. jackie disagrees.

3. bouchard in fashion faux pas drama
sarah bouchard showed up to work in the same sweater she wore only 2 days ago out dancing with salloum and i. not cool.

4. ‘turn your paycheque into a memory’
this isn’t non-celebrity celebrity news as such, just the slogan from some postcards pushing a trip to thailand that i think makes the wrong statement.

5. gary upsets jessica with weight comment
this is more big brother style news. salloum and i were talking about who would play us in a film and after suggesting colin farrell for myself i suggested angelina jolie for her. after salloum replied that angie’s too thin i simply replied: fair enough.

my day does seem much more interesting when broken down into quick news-bites. perhaps my new years resolution should be to keep a journal of salacious celebrity news style quotes?